Dear GJ

You will never read this
For a number of reasons
Chief among them being that you don’t know me
You don’t know us
Us
We - who named you after the initials of the number plate
Of your yellow scooter
Because we never knew you too
But the memory of you made me smile today
And reminded me of the joys of secret crushes shared with best friends
We - who are no more
Only me
But
Thank you

Broken

She was here
many lives ago
a road she'd forgot
a forget-me-not
walled within deep dark blues
and grays of a million hues
a different face
but the same self consumed
in the same quicksand
paid the same dues
bled the same grief
the same heartache bloomed
new spells were spoke
new fires stok'd
forgiven, but forgotten
the same heart broke

-Amit

Sugar

Rush

sugar-high, mush

Sins of fruit and flesh,

and dark magic mesh 

with bits of guilt

salted, caramel-filled;

Caution and a wrapper 

thrown to the wind

tiptoeing

outside and in

cupboards

w/ tea, coffee

me

Kisses on Cheeks in the Dark

Of the leaving night;

Of small talk and smiles

to make light 

of aching hearts

leaving warm bodies in warm blankets behind

Of kisses on cheeks in the dark;

Of shuffling feet and a little spark

that the light in the doorway makes;

Of a practiced good-bye 

in hushed tones and mime,

once more, lest my little child wakes

Of promises; Of time

and time again turning back to see her at the window sill;

Freezing moments, trigger-happy making stills

in the mind

for the heart;

But time runs out,

A car drives in;

I depart

- Amit

Diving, Up

The making, made
the brightening, shade
the might, now will
no strength afraid
no lingering want
or desires haunt,
comes floating down
now morning taunts
a wrinkly djinn
now blink-and-gone
yet remains
the shine it shone
now stooping high 
now threatening dawn
diving up, again
now gone

-Amit

Where Goes The Shadow?

The tired earth tosses slowly her sides
Inching closer to slumber with measured strides
The black city-ghosts grow taller, but weak
The birds all fly west, with spirited shrieks

The body goes to rest, the mind, to squander,
The weary go home, the homeless go wander
The fallen go back, the hopeful go on
But 'tis only a soft-glow, what once brightly shone

The long fingers of the Sun are done caressing the shore
The day of Life is done asking for more
Its quiver now empty, where goes the arrow?
The flame now goes out, where goes the shadow?

-Amit

The Closet

You were away that night.

I tip-toed into your room
and opened your closet
rummaging through this and that

I found him hiding
behind some old knick-knacks
on the third shelf on the right.

Afraid to speak,
looking scared
in spite of the perpetual grin on his face;
I offered him some courage from the bottle in my pocket
He drank it all up as I stared into his empty sockets
And then he spoke.
We spoke.
About this and that
and we laughed
till I innocently slipped in the Question
and he slipped, replied.
Then stopped.

You were away that night.
You, who will never return.

-Amit

Pause;

Pause;

rewind;
walking back, backwards, behind
the gate, up the steps,
rushing backward frame by frame
yellow leaves floating up,
attaching to whence they came
breathing out, and then in
unlike how it should have been
up the passage, through the door
till i'm back face-to-face
with your
mesmerizing eyes;
I was...

Pause;

The Flight

At least nine feet above the tallest man
he lords over the crowd from where he stands
watching waiters criss-crossing the room
ladies clinking glasses and men blowing fumes
his sharp eye catches the one to impress
(kohl-lined eyes, in the black dress)
He squares his shoulders and adjusts his bow
settles his hair and gets to ready to go
step by step down the flight of stairs
gradually losing his height and airs
finally standing at the foot of the flight
the crowd now stares down at his brief height
the scared little boy adjusts his shorts and specs
suddenly wary of strange aunts' pecks
he skips down the hall to find his dad
and ice cream and soda and fun to-be-had

Love Story

All my waking hours spent
i see you 'fore whatever fate it sends
to fill my day
day-dreaming never about you
but yet you're there with every blink i take
and all the falls i stake
you bleed for me
just as i have cried
each time you tried and fought to be with me
this is complicated
don't ever think you're underrated
but you, you will never see
it's just a state of me
that i accept
except, this isn't love, and i dare not dig you,
don't ever think we're free
or if we'll ever be
the fact remains that you and i
will swing together, see the world together
and sense and sensibility
will be pervaded and captivated
like it always used to be
each time i snuck away with you
to the million places you led me secretly
cos our attachment goes far beyond
than love and all its chronic bonds
and everybody knows,
you're mine, i take you with me
where'r the road it goes
and die to feel you breathe with me,
my long nose

-Amit

The Bar

Escorted to a trendy bar
driven down in an obtuse car
greeted by an old grouch,
I see Lazy lying draped over an ample couch
picking on his teeth and a tobacco pouch
looking like he'd just shot up some coke
now making castles with rings of smoke
Lust lowers his shades to check the pretty thing out
and rubs his chest and begins to pout
Pesky little Morals raise a meek little shout
but finally give in to the cheering crowd
while some disapprove and begin to frown
they proceed to do stuff that is not allowed
Vanity has grown a neat little beard
and wants to dance and be raucously cheered
but all the women have disappeared
for of course he looks extremely weird
Cool belts out the best riff played
on a red fender strat while getting laid
smoking an expensive cuban cigar
and sipping vodka with Gatorade
Lonely hangs out with his dozen friends
and throws them parties and lavishly spends
and calls them strange names like 'spaghetti' and 'bread'
pity! they only exist in his head
Greed slyly eyes the food on my plate
what i will eat and what i ate
Courage stands straight but threatens to sit
Nervous is sweating bit by bit
Broke tries his best to duck the bill
Passion awaits the power of the pill
Cheap hangs around for his fifth free drink
Strange walks in with his hair dyed pink
Stupid gets slapped while trying to blink
Crazy pulls out his tongue with a wink
Lost holds my hand as I try to think
why i have been asked to stand by the sink
and why they haven't even offered me a drink
and why the barman's badge reads S-H-R-I-N-K

-Amit

The Cheat

She saunters in like she owns the room
swaying, unsteady, almost trips on the broom
that lies carelessly strewn on the kitchen floor
she decides it best be flung out the door
but other important matters await,
its time for business, the clock strikes four

She noisely withdraws the vessels from the box
and starts to impatiently set up shop
By routine, refusing to take each one out
she overturns the lot with a loud shout
As i enter the kitchen, a little smile forms
she takes what she needs and starts to perform

Delicately picking up the spoon in her hand
she willfully waves it around like a wand
pretending she's making an exquisite dish
clanging the pot with every swish
knowing i watch her every move
as she cooks up her imaginary food

the sous-chef now proceeds to serve
what she'd just made and i'd observed
offering to me a full empty cup
that i proceed to praise and drink it up
her sparkling eyes now eagerly await
part deux of this little act we'd made
i begin to laugh and ask for more
the little cheat happily begins to pour

A Time to Cry

The young lady labours on

another moment and i'll be gone
it is unfair for i'll be free
but will you keep my memory?
though i'll forget
the day we met
for i will be another life
will you still love me, my dear wife?

The young lady labours still

it takes me all my will
to hang on for a little more
of the way you smell, the dress you wore,
your teasing smile that i adored
the stupid names i called you so
the lovely morning on the shore
the secrets only we both know

all of these shall be no more

as the wind drags me to the door
i try so hard to freeze your face
but bit by bit my memory goes
i watch my thoughts of you erased

The lady waits, now i must leave
Bless you, for all the love received
Baby's almost here, goodbye
i take my place
it's time to cry

Six White Birds

Six white birds overlooking a lake
Perched on a tan-brown limb overhead
Silently watching the ripples in the sky
And the floating body drifting by

One white bird turns to look at me
As i hide my knife and turn to flee
Its piercing blue eyes now holding me back
Did it see me play out my act?

Birds dont talk! Oh what a jest!
So i put the little matter to rest
The birds fly away, guess I am done,
All the birds - save the strangled one

- Amit

Withered

Fractured drops of light
trying to hide the pain
broken shards of shadow
piercing through the rain
that falls within her eyes
trying hard to explain
things from long ago
memories flitting through the trees
afraid of letting go
winding through the autumn leaves
putting up a show
holding on to random bits
keeping her afloat
withered mind trying hard
to decipher what he wrote
slowly dawns a hint of smile
wondering if he said hello
unknowing, withered hands
clutch a withered farewell note

-Amit

The Photograph

Matt-finish, black and white
young man, child astride,
trousers flared, collar wide,
a grin adorned by pencil-line

The old man's favorite photograph
not for his child's memories
nor for youth he left behind
yet he stares and stares and cries
to see that faded photograph
the only one he misses most
the one who's missing in that pose
the one who cracked that silly joke
just before the flash and smoke
the one who clicked the photograph
the one who passed on to the ghosts

-Amit

Death of a Liar

He closes his eyes
and stares at a familiar scene
his 6 year old self, squeaky clean,
waving back to his mom and dad
entering school, first tie he had

Scenes rush by
the young child is child no more
a boy aged 13 sitting in at his proud father's store
lady-shoppers fussing over the winsome lad
as he shyly scribbles out their bills on a pad

The years fast-forward now
the boy has grown,
hot job in tow,
all of 43, suave CEO
on a magazine,
a loving wife, 3 kids
complete the scene

He opens his tired eyes
a life lived full, he smiles

and then laughs at the truth
a wasted youth,
born an orphaned lad
always making up his parents,
and the tie he never had
working as a coolie all his life at a store
always pining to move up to the pad
He'd hated his wife and cheated on her,
and guilt-laden, drunk away the little he had
an outstanding loan and a debt he'd incurred
had since broken his spirit and driven him mad

As he lay now thinking of his time gone by
a life of regret and happiness denied
he blocks out the life that was supposed to flash by
for the last time the old man dreams up his lie

-Amit

The Sale

I stand in line
at the ticket window
and as my turn arrives
I'm greeted with a smile

"Hi" I say
to the ticket vendor
and check out the list on display

"Is DEATH a stage one jumps off?
Is HAPPINESS a loud applause?
Is LONELINESS an audience refusing to stay?
And is SADNESS a temporary blackout caused
by defunct showlights at the play?"

"I really wouldn't know, Sir"
says he
"I only sell the tickets here.
Though i hear,
Some are happy when the lights go out
Some would kill themselves for applause
Others would jump off just to be alone, Sir
and some would be sad without cause"

"Oh" I say

and turn back to where you stand,
in your red dress, chewing gum,
pop-corn in hand
"What do you want to watch, honey?"
And you reply "We don't have the money
for Happiness, luv.
What's more, the show's at three.
You have a meeting then, remember?"
and i say "Yeah, there goes the matinee"

The man at the window lowers his voice
"You can try SIN, Sir
It is cheap, and fast
and quite a rage these days.
They always clap at the start
and the lights never descend
and though it leaves some broken hearts
and some jump off at the end,
it's not a bad deal, see,"
he winks, "I can even offer you
a buy-one-get-one-free"

"Aha" my interest rises
and i see you're smiling too
"Can't argue with that price" you say
and i say "Sure. Gimme Sin, for two"

Jaagte Raho!

He wakes with a start
and makes half a salute
and takes in the scene
did anybody notice he'd been
gone again
taking the first flight out
out like a light

He wipes clean his mouth
these breaks now becoming regular bouts
He rubs his eyes, and scratches his belly,
kicks off his shoes to make way for smelly
toes and soles that can make a blind man blink
solely based on their obnoxious stink

An owl hoots in the distance
the moon is high up in the sky
the watchman argues for the n'th time that night
the world is sleeping
why shouldn't I
and having won that round
he proceeds to act on his logic;
the air fills with his sleeping sounds

a silent figure standing poised to strike
lowers his weapon to the ground

-Amit

The Wait

The old woman waits in her wooden chair
whiling time, much to spare,
fingers moving, beads of prayer
belie an ardent, eager stare

A door bell rings not so far
the woman smiles, it is the hour,
rushes to her window sill
and lovingly waves out to her star

The neighbour's six year old waves back
red water bottle, purple bag
a word or two, he goes indoors
she does the same, to where she sat

-Amit